Exploring The Art of Dying: Perspectives on Life and Death

Having spent my entire career in healthcare, I have been present for hundreds of deaths. Death itself can seem overwhelming and frightening—it evokes strong emotions, makes us avert our eyes, and is a topic many avoid as though ignoring it might spare us from it. Over the years, I've come to realize that dying involves a certain "art." But what exactly do I mean by "art"?

Through observation, I have encountered various types of death—whether peaceful, painful, traumatic, or unexpected—each presenting its own challenges. Death is an inescapable aspect of existence, often leaving those left behind in mourning and seeking understanding. Upon receiving a diagnosis of a terminal illness, individuals frequently consider the prospect of mortality, leading to numerous questions: What will the process entail? What circumstances will surround my passing? Who will be present? Are my personal affairs properly arranged? How are my relationships?  These and other considerations encompass what I refer to as the "art" of dying.

The dying process should also involve focusing on how to live meaningfully. Many people simply wait for death, but often, with counseling, obstacles like personality traits or mental health issues can be addressed. The key question is: "How do I live before I die?"

Do you have a bucket list or wish list for things to do before you die? Whether you've started ticking items off or are just beginning, living fully means acting now. It also involves making amends, forgiving others, reconnecting with loved ones, and considering who you want by your side at the end.

Other questions to consider are; Where do I want to die? Do I want Hospice services? Do I want pain medications? Do I want my Pastor of Chaplain to meet with me? Should I write letters to my family? What will my funeral look like? Do I need my funeral preplanned? These are all great questions to ask yourself. Of course, this is not an exhaustive list of questions to ask. These are the obvious ones. Let’s get a bit more personal.

How are you coping emotionally with a terminal diagnosis or dying process? Have you reflected on your mental health, and are you involving friends or family in your experience, or keeping your struggles private? If you lack close relationships or are estranged, how does that impact your process?

As an end-of-life doula, care home operator, and mental health therapist, my role involves assisting patients in assessing their circumstances and supporting them through challenging periods. Frequently, I work with individuals to reframe entrenched beliefs as a means of coping with the end of life. I have facilitated reunions among loved ones and have also provided presence and support at the bedside for those without family. Additionally, I establish boundaries on behalf of patients who may be unable to do so themselves. There are numerous considerations at the end of life or following a terminal diagnosis, and it is natural for individuals to focus on their own needs during such times. Sometimes, we focus on others more than ourselves. There is a fine line we walk sometimes because of emotions, past relationships, etc.

How we live often shapes how we die. Are you interested in leaving legacy? Will family or friends honor your memory, or are you isolated? How would you like to be remembered, if at all? What matters most to you? If these questions resonate, this article aims to help you make thoughtful choices. Epicurus famously said, "The art of living well and the art of dying well are one."