Navigating the Difficult Decision of Care: A Guide for Family Caregivers

Understanding the Shift from Family Member to Caregiver

Are you a family member or spouse caring for your loved one? Have you found that your role has shifted from family member or spouse to caregiver? Do you feel overwhelmed while caring for your loved one? When and how do you decide to place your loved one in the care of someone else and reclaim your role as a loved one or spouse?

The decision to place a loved one in a facility or under someone else’s care is difficult. Do we have the funds? Do we have the time to visit? Am I ready to let go of being a caregiver? And an even tougher question: will my loved one forgive me for allowing someone else to care for them?

Recognizing Caregiver Burnout

As the caregiver, if you start to feel burnout, overwhelming feelings of not caring anymore, resentment, and other emotions that hinder your ability to provide excellent care to your loved one, it may be time to consider placing them in a facility or residential care home. Why? The answer is simple, but the choice is not. Choosing to place them in someone else’s care will allow you to resume your role as their loved one. This decision can help alleviate the resentment, burnout, feelings of indifference, and the overwhelming sense of being alone in this situation.

Evaluating Care Options

When considering moving your loved one from their home or yours into a facility or residential care home, there are many options. Which place is the best? Should I make these decisions alone? Do I consider the wishes of the entire family or just my own? This can all be very overwhelming. Here are some things to consider:

1. Visit Multiple Facilities: Explore various facilities and residential care homes in your area. This will help you get a feel for the type of care your loved one will receive. If allowed, talk with other residents to see how they like it there.

   
   

2. Assess Costs: Understand how much you will pay and what your loved one receives for that cost. What is included in the monthly rate? Do they accept insurance, or is it private pay?

   
   

3. Involve Your Loved One: If possible, bring your loved one with you to visit potential facilities. See how they feel about the caregivers and the environment. Do they prefer a small residential care home or a larger facility?

   
   

4. Evaluate Caregiver Qualifications: Ensure that caregivers are knowledgeable about your loved one’s specific needs. Are they compassionate? Do they take the time to communicate with you?

   
   

5. Engage Your Loved One in Decision-Making: If your loved one is cognitively aware, involve them in the decision-making process. Let them ask questions and express their preferences.

   
   

6. Inquire About Medical Management: Ask about how the facility handles medication management, diabetes care, mental health issues, and communication between family members and medical personnel.

   
   

7. Check for Quality of Life Essentials: If considering a residential care home, ensure they have necessary features for quality of life. Look for wide doors for wheelchair access, walk-in showers, and other essential amenities.

   
   

8. Understand Emergency Protocols: What are the facility’s emergency procedures?

   
   

9. Explore Activities and Events: What activities or religious events does the facility offer?

   
   

10. Meal Accommodations: Can the facility accommodate special diets? Are meals included in the monthly rate?

11. Transportation Services: Does the facility provide transportation to medical appointments?

12. End-of-Life Care: Will the facility care for your loved one through all transitions, including end-of-life? Do they allow hospice services?

Preparing for Facility Visits

When visiting facilities and residential care homes, bring a pad and paper to write down information and questions. Come armed with prewritten questions. Ask for marketing materials and business cards for each facility.

Once you have visited several options, sit down with your family to discuss the advantages and disadvantages of each facility. If you have further questions, do not hesitate to call the facility. You may also want to make another visit to the facility you choose before making a final decision.

The Importance of Self-Care

After all this, why am I considering self-care? It’s acceptable to align your needs with those of your loved one. Statistics show that 1 in 10 caregivers will pass away before their loved one due to stress, anxiety, depression, and burnout. Caring for someone you love 24/7 is challenging and overwhelming. Some people view self-care as selfish and may feel guilt or shame for even contemplating placing their loved one elsewhere. These emotions are natural and deserve attention and support. Remember, taking care of yourself is also taking care of your loved one. Being mindful of this can help alleviate feelings of doubt, guilt, and shame.

Even with support from home health agencies or family members, caring for your loved one remains very difficult. You witness their decline and may feel isolated. You may not know what to do or whom to speak to. In these circumstances, allowing someone else to care for your loved one can be one of the best decisions for both of you. You will find peace in this decision, especially if you follow some guidelines and ensure they are placed in the best possible environment.

Seeking Support After Placement

Once you have made the placement decision, it may be helpful to discuss your choice and what comes next with someone. There are many support groups, pastors, therapists, and family members available to listen. Placing your loved one may trigger grief and loss that you weren't expecting. That’s okay. Grief and loss are part of the process. We will explore this matter another day.

I applaud you for reading this article and taking the first step toward finding your self-care in this very difficult situation. Remember, you are not alone in any of this. If you find yourself in this situation, please do not hesitate to reach out for guidance. We are here to answer your questions and assist with the placement of your loved one. We can also offer bereavement counseling. Gretchen Hook, LPC-A, BCC, CALM. Owner/operator of Little Elm Residential Care Home, LLC. 254.314.8340. littleelmrch.com.